Ever feel disconnected from your partner… but not sure how to fix it?You’re not alone. Between mismatched desire, mental load, body image struggles, and awkward communication, intimacy often becomes one more thing on your to-do list, instead of a source of connection. In this episode, I’m joined by Vanessa and Xander Marin—licensed sex therapist and bestselling author duo behind Sex Talks and the Pillow Talks podcast. We’re breaking down the silent issues that show up in long-term relationships and how to reconnect (without relying on spontaneous desire or unrealistic expectations). We’re talking about what’s actually behind low libido (hint: it’s not just hormones or sex drive), how to reduce the mental load so you can feel more connected, and why “scheduled sex” isn’t boring, it’s powerful. Vanessa Marin is a licensed sex therapist with 20+ years of experience and Xander Marin is her husband, co-author, and brings the real-life partner perspective that makes these conversations feel refreshingly honest, relatable, and actionable.
Ever feel disconnected from your partner… but not sure how to fix it?
You’re not alone. Between mismatched desire, mental load, body image struggles, and awkward communication, intimacy often becomes one more thing on your to-do list, instead of a source of connection.
In this episode, I’m joined by Vanessa and Xander Marin—licensed sex therapist and bestselling author duo behind Sex Talks and the Pillow Talks podcast. We’re breaking down the silent issues that show up in long-term relationships and how to reconnect (without relying on spontaneous desire or unrealistic expectations).
We’re talking about what’s actually behind low libido (hint: it’s not just hormones or sex drive), how to reduce the mental load so you can feel more connected, and why “scheduled sex” isn’t boring, it’s powerful.
Vanessa Marin is a licensed sex therapist with 20+ years of experience and Xander Marin is her husband, co-author, and brings the real-life partner perspective that makes these conversations feel refreshingly honest, relatable, and actionable.
We Also Discuss:
08:26 – Why we need to talk about sex way more openly
13:44 – The 5 conversations every couple should have about sex
18:32 – The truth about “how often” you should be having sex
26:23 – Why desire doesn’t just happen—and what to focus on instead
32:42 – How mental load kills intimacy (and what to do about it)
40:00 – The surprising link between body image and your sex life
47:12 – What the “bristle reaction” is—and how to fix it
54:04 – The most underrated forms of foreplay (hint: it’s not lingerie)
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